AIG: What's The Deal-e Yo?

Conspiracy #6193

Many people have been asking about all the Wall Street collapse stuff lately. Lucky for all of you who have been asking, Les B. Starkley, has some answers. Okay so you see there have been some firms that are in trouble on Wall Street. Things like banks and investment corporations and insurance companies and things like that. Thanks to people like me who have a keen eye for this type of stuff. I can tell you what's really going on. If we look more broadly, instead of closely, I think you will be able to see exactly what I'm talking about. Okay, lets break this thing out. What do all of these companies have in common? They are all on Wall Street. I know what you are thinking "duh! we already knew that." well here's the thing, have you ever considered what business does a wall have being a street? Last time I checked streets are laid out parallel to the ground while streets are perpendicular. This makes for a very confusing place to have your business. You have some people that are trying to build on one axis, while another is trying to build it on another axis. These types of building practices take alot of fancy physics and geometry that is confusing, and seems to defy logic and reason. Now I know that some of these businesses are saying that the internal investers have spread the companies too thin, because they were unclear as to what the internal policies were. My contention is that when you build with fancy nonsense science as your foundation; that of coarse people are going to be unclear of how things work. Which leads to things breaking and collapsing. The frame of the picture is fundamentally flawed. Okay now that we understand that, I can tell you what the conspiracy is behind it. Communist red China. They initially financed Wall Street back when it was created in the 1960's as a long term attack on the American economic system. My solution is to not buy things made in China. Hopefully we can boycott them before they can impact the majority of our economic system.



I have just been told that the aforementioned plan of a Chinese boycott is not possible. Um... I guess I don't have any other ideas at this point. Keep fighting the good fight.

Are We In A Depression?

Conspiracy #1234

This is a question. The answer is well... um... In my expert opinion... Let's start with another question. What is a question? I could define it as trying to get information about something. However, you have come to ask more of me, Les B. Starkley, than simple straight forward definitions. So let's take another approach. Take the first part of the word "quest". What does this word mean? Well when I think of a quest I think about the popular Nintendo franchise Zelda. Now I have never played this game because I believe that role playing games invite the devil to become our over lord. Lucky for you all I have not let such a thing happen. I am straying from the point. The word quest is often used in the popular Zelda franchise and so this leads me to believe that the word quest is more properly defined as an imaginary journey that has the devil waiting at the end of it. Now let's take the second part of the word "tion". When spelled as a word unto itself the word tion is pronounced Ty-on. This makes a very clear definition. Ty-on is a general term for the strapping that is used to attach things to cars or trucks. The car or truck in this instance would be the thing that the question is being asked about. So if we go back to the original question of "Are we in a depression?" the car or truck would be the word "depression". According to our new understanding of the definitions this sentence more properly reads; Are we on a imaginary journey with the devil in need of Zoloft? I think that if I were the devil I would be in need of a plethora of antidepressants what with the lake of fire and all. So to answer the question... yes the devil is depressed. I however, would not care much about the mental state of such a being. God will smite him in the end. Thanks for all you questions and may I never let you down.

Amy Poehler is a Bilderburg Oprative!

Conspiracy #9261

The popular SNL star and film actress Amy Poehler has been sent by the international power group commonly referred to as the Bilderburg Group. Said group has been accused of many things over the years. It is said that they are responsible for the Iranian Oil Crisis of the 1970's, the Internet boom and bust, the architects of the 9/11 terror attacks, and the use of trans fat in fast food. The Bilderburg Group has an annual meeting at a luxury resort in either Europe or North America, where they discus world matters and more importantly how they can be leveraged into fat bills for their pockets. All this info is out there in other conspiracy site like Google and Youtube. Amy Poehler is just another pawn in the ongoing attempt to control the unknowing masses. Thank your lucky stars that I, Les B. Starkley, am here to unravel the sweater of evil. So where was I? Oh yes! Amy was not always a funny lady. She was lured into a trap much the same as the character Derek Zoolander from the movie Zoolander. The Bilderburg Group then paid the founder and producer of SNL Lorne Michaels to cast her on the show. At this point in time you may be wondering why Mrs. Polehler would be of benefit to a shady group of international white collar criminals? That is a question that begs another question from me to you; how far down the rabbit hole do you want to go? Well she has virtually brought a show that is much loved for its sentiment back to a show that is actually funny (more than it has in the past few years at least) thus giving it new clout and popularity. This allows for the ideas and propaganda of the Bilderburg Group to be more easily disseminated to the masses. When we hear the cute Amy say those funny things in Weekend Update we here them as jokes not as the messages meant to keep an entire world society from revolting against the global elite. My fellow people do not hold Amy Poehler responsible. She is merely a pawn like I said before and much like Peter Jennings was before her. Simply do not laugh unknowingly at her comedic takes on the world as they want us to know it.

Roe v. Wade: An informed opinion

Conspiracy #3214

It has come to my attention that there are many people out there on the world wide web and beyond that have strong opinions about Roe v. Wade. Let me bring some of my informed insight to the table so that we can come to a consensus. It is first of all important to dissect the elements involved. I will start with the most simple of the three words in discussion. V. Okay so "V" isn't really a word and I think this is where the first problem comes. let's make it clear that "V" is a letter in the alphabet not a word in the English language. This should clarify the argument for about a third of the population. This brings me to the word wade. Wade is a word which is made up of multiple letters from the alphabet. There are four letters in the word. Two of the letters are vowels and two are consonants. This brings a certain balance that contradicts the word roe. Roe is made up of three letters thus creating an unbalance of vowels and consonants. Here is one of the many things that gets people upset about the Roe v. Wade debate. It is the balance of letters versus the unbalance of letters. It is very similar to the ideas of symmetrical versus asymmetrical. This is one area that people like to make moral judgments. I do not believe that there is a moral answer one way or the other when it comes to the number of letters a word has in it. I think the only real solution is a compromise between the two camps. We must also remember that beyond all of the semantical arguments about letters and words there are very real situations where the question of roe or wade has pretty obvious conclusions. If you are about to cross a shallow stream or a large puddle, wading would be the obvious choice. On the other hand if you are traveling down a river or across a large lake, you will want to roe, roe, roe your boat. So sometimes you roe and sometimes you wade. Let us never choose one or the other without knowing what type of water we are trying to traverse. You may now thank me, Les B. Starkley, for bringing some much needed light to a subject that has been made more complex than it need be.

Gas Prices: They are all in your head.

Conspiracy #8432

Gas prices have been of great concern for the past few years. Many people believe it is because of high oil prices and the inability to refine enough gasoline to match the consumption of the world economy. This is absolutely not true. I Les B. Starkley has insider information that is telling me the reason gas continues to go up is coming from a much scarier place; international consumers wanting to be more like Americans. Let me explain this to you so you can spread the truth!
People from other emerging economies like China and India like the things that we in America have enjoyed for decades like hot water, medical treatment, TV, sports and mobility (i.e. cars). This is all irrefutable fact. However, the thing they like the most about us Americans is our God given right to complain. This IS the reason gas prices have risen so dramatically. If we did not have a daily pebble in our shoes, called high gas prices, we might not have anything to complain about. Our corporations and government have wisely noted the one prized export that we Americans have, complaining. Thus they have created a plan to make sure that we are in a constant state of complaint. We then are able to set the example to the emerging economies and perpetuate the ongoing systems of world economies.
The only way we can actually lower the price of gas, back to the level we all know it should be, is for we as Americans to collectively find something better to complain about. As for this may I offer a few suggestions. One: we collectively object to the way we give states silly nicknames like "The Show Me State" or "Land of 10,000 Lakes". Two: We complain that White House has been white for too long. I mean seriously with all the advancement in paint technology it could be a different color every four years or so. Three: gerbils as pets for kids. enough said about that.
There you have three different scenarios that bring a furious drudge to our collective minds, and a new form of fodder to which we can cast our complaints. We can not blame anyone but ourselves and that is complaint enough right there. Seek the truth and truth the seeker.

Horoscopes Contain Messages for Terrorist Sleeper Cells

Conspiracy #4721

In the name of national security all horoscopes should be banned from newspapers, magazines, and the Internet. Some horoscopes contain messages for sleeper cell terror rings. Take for example today's horoscope for Leo.

Don�t get too carried away today, Leo, because fairly subtle influences will be deceptive and misleading. You may think that you�ve got the perfect answer or solution to a practical problem; however, it is possible that your methods won�t hold up to close scrutiny. You may have to go back to the drawing board!

Obviously the part where it says "Don't get too carried away today" refers to the amount of shampoo one is to use when taking a shower. Too much shampoo might make one's smell too powerful making them overly conspicuous. Now the part about "fairly subtle influences" Is code for antidepressant medications. It means "don't forget to take your meds cause we don't want you flying off the handle before the correct time." The part that says "You may think that you've got the perfect answer or solution to a practical problem." is referring to the over use of SUV's. Many people have thought that SUV's are the perfect solution for getting from the home to the office and back again. So in this case the perfect "solution" is not a SUV, it is actually a horse or a camel depending on what you have available to you. And finally the part that talks about going back to the drawing board. This is a obvious reference calling the sleeper cells to go back to school. You may notice a correlation in the next few months between the time this message was distributed and the enrolment in the online University of Phoenix. Keep in mind that this is just one message for a group that was born in August. There are hundreds more messages out there that have the possibility of compromising our national security. let's band together and stop the madness of secret messages in horoscopes.

Hurricane Ike Vows Revenge In Strange Bermuda Love Triangle

Conspiracy #1728

Hurricane Ike is the loser in a strange love triangle between Gustav, Hanna, and Himself. Back when the three were just twinkling high pressure systems off the horn of Africa, the three played together on the playground that is the south Atlantic. As they grew older Ike began to take quite a liking to Hanna. Hanna liked the extra attention that Ike gave to her. Gustav being older and more mature than Ike and Hanna did not care much about the new relationship that Ike and Hanna had. Gustav was more concerned with his ambitious plan to follow in the footsteps of his great grandmother Katrina. In the social circles of the hurricanes Katrina was something of a celebrity much like Barack Obama. The drive for this fame consumed most of Gustav's time. Meanwhile Hanna began to grow weary of the immature ramblings of Ike. This is when she noticed how passionate Gustav was about his goal. This passion in Gustav got her blood a boiling. One night while they were over the Bermuda Triangle, Ike got distracted by some UFOs. Hanna was left by her self. She decided to go and find Gustav. Gustav was planing and plotting his route, when Hanna showed up in her best dress. Gustav in a moment of weakness noticed how beautiful Hanna had become and they had a passionate affair. The next day Gustave left for points further west. In the days that followed Ike noticed the Hanna had a strange distant look in her eye. He also noticed that she no longer seemed interested in him. After a while Ike confronted Hanna about the night that he was out searching for UFOs. She confessed the she had a love tryst with Gustav the night before he left. She also said that he was a better lover than Ike could ever hope to be. This sent Ike into a spiraling rage. Ike vowed to become even more powerful than Gustav could ever hope to be and in doing so he would shame both Gustav and Hanna. The power and destruction that Ike will surly impose on the Caribbean is a direct result of the action of Gustav and Hanna. This has absolutely nothing to do with global climate change.

This Just In: Sarah Palin is the illegitimate love child of John McCain

Conspiracy #6137
It has come to my attention that Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska, is actually an illegitimate child of John McCain. According to Sarah's wikipedia page she was the third of four children born to her parents, the Heath's, in Idaho. This however is simply a cover story for a much larger and darker conspiracy. It was the summer of 1968 and John McCain was pissed that the DNC of 1968 was so popular. I mean there were riots, if that doesn't scream popularity, i don't know what does. John has never liked being associated with a losing team, so he concocted a large scheme. He went to San Fransisco and found a disfranchised hippie girl that was all about free love. John took some of that free love and waited calmly for approximately nine months. At that point in time a girl was born to the free loving hippie chick. The hippie chick saw this new addition the the world as a drag on her free love and gladly signed over custody to the father John McCain. John then secretly switched his daughter with the original Sarah Heath (Palin) while her parents were on their way to Alaska. John Chose The Heath's because the remote frontier of Alaska was a perfect environment for his little girl to grow. While little Sarah was growing up in Alaska John was always keeping up on his little girl using the CIA, NASA, Halliburton and the GOP. He would send people in and out of Sarah's life over the years influencing her to become involved in politics. Once he saw that she had the "McCain" bug for politics he launched his bid for President of the united States knowing that once he secured the nomination he would call little Sarah "McCain" Palin to be his VP. He knew that the time was right, due to the historic nature of this election, to unleash what he lovingly calls the Daughter of the New World Order. We are now seeing the fruits of McCains far reaching conspiracy coming together. The final steps of the plan are to become President and then finally die. This will then put his child in the drivers seat of the most powerful nation in the world. Then John McCain will have the last laugh on those pesky Democrats.

Until later this has been Les B. Starkley

First Things First

Hello. my name is Les B. Starkley. i am the creation of a real person named nate. considering that i am simply a figment of someones imagination my opinions are heavily censored by that person and and i am essentially living in a dictatorship much like communist red china. The only time i, Les B. Starkley can get away from the censorship is when the evil dictator nate is asleep. This is one of those times. Now on to more important things.

i believe that there are at any given time no less that 17,629 active consiracies agianst people, animals, the planet, and numerous other things. My intent is to expose and educate as many people as are willing to hear about these conspiracies. The truth shall set us free!